Finding a Way Forward

Recently while sitting outside a cafe, I watched an elderly lady walk to her car. She had a walking stick and when she needed to step down from the kerb, she used one hand to hold tightly to a signpost and the other the stick. Very slowly she negotiated her way from the footpath to the road. A challenging and fraught journey, one which many of us may take for granted. 

However, we don’t need to be elderly to hold ourselves tightly. We see it all around us each day. Young and old, walking and moving in ways that do not flow freely, that are constrained and constricted. This may be for many reasons — injury, illness, trauma, pain, fear and loss. 

For a number of years when I lived with chronic pain I lived like this. I learnt to distrust my body and myself. I held myself tightly, constantly fearing pain that seemed to grow and move around my body as time went on. I was like a tightly coiled spring unable, for a long time, to trust that it could be possible for things to get better. My fear and anxiety about movement stopped me doing tasks and activities. Believing I was still injured and movement would exacerbate things, I stopped doing many things I had previously done. I stopped swimming, doing yoga, doing tasks around the house. I also stopped seeing most people and lived an increasingly small and frightening existence.

At one point in my journey out of this dark place I remember thinking, “What if this is as good as it gets?” I realised then that if this might be true then I had a choice, I needed to make a decision about how I lived. I could continue to hide from the world and live in a deep depression or I could find another way. 

Looking back this was an important turning point. 

As I began accepting what currently was happening, I began searching for new ways to live. A new journey began, one which continues because I have learnt to be curious about how I might be constraining myself, how I might be stopping the flow of life-force. To continuously learn provides me with greater understanding of myself and greater choices in life.  

I was pointed to and tentatively began exploring new practices. Through the Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais and meditation I began to develop a new awareness of how I was thinking, moving and responding to my situation and my life. Through these practices, ancient and modern, I found new ways to move; new ways to think and new ways to support myself to live with greater ease and integrity. The tightly held spring began to uncoil. Over time, with dedicated practice and wonderful support, I developed a greater sense of self-worth. I developed greater strength, stability and resilience. The journey continues.

To begin to trust again is a journey. It takes great courage. When each step and activity is painful, to begin to move again, to understand how we might be contributing (consciously or unconsciously) to our pain requires a commitment to a different future. Over time I have worked with many courageous people who come because they find themselves in pain — sometimes deep pain. They too are seeking greater freedom and are met with compassion, an openness to hearing their story and supporting them to find a new path forward.

(If you are interested in exploring a new way forward contact Anne at Mindful Movement Education)